Being the politically active hippie I am, I have signed up for a good number of email updates from liberal PACs and candidates, including B. Rock — and this week something magical happened; Michelle Obama asked me on a date. Yes, me, Greg! Read my personal message from Michelle 2 days ago for the evidence of this:

“Friend (that’s her pet name for me) —

Every couple of months… [I] love [you].

… The last dinner is coming up.

So please… enter… your seat at the table.

It’ll be fun, but probably bittersweet too.

… [You’re so sexy]…



Okay, so I admit it, I edited the boring stuff out of the message, but it came through loud and clear that Michelle was getting jealous of all those personal emails Barack has been sending me and decided to send her own intimate message. Am I only a tool for an angry wife to get back at her husband who’s been courting me, a young voter? Maybe. But do I care? No. I just know that I want Michelle to be my personal First Lady.

Michelle Obama, I accept your invitation. And, don’t worry, I won’t let Barack know about our tryst (unless you want him to find out, you sly minx), but I will gladly play footsy with you under the table. And if Malia or Sasha see what’s going on we’ll smile slyly at each other and say we were just using each others’ limbs to scratch some itches we can’t easily reach — and would that be a lie, really? I think not… *Wink!*

See you soon, babe.


Guys! This is even more exciting than I thought. Joe Biden just sent me an email saying he thinks I should go for Michelle, even if she is being a bit catty:

“Just go for it, bro!”

Friend (Michelle must have been talking to him about me if he knows my pet name!) —

Look, you’ve really got to get involved here.

… I think you should give it a shot.



Joe Biden

P.S. We’ve got just 48 days left… [go for it!!!]”

Oh, Joe, don’t you worry, I’ll go for it. Michelle, just wait, your unemployed, hoodie-wearing knight is coming to rescue you. Watch out, Obama, this campaign season Romney’s not the only one you need to watch out for….