One man's attempt at literacy

Tag Archives: Vampire Diaries

While I was in New York I did many exciting things, like eating and drinking and riding the subway. Most exciting of all, though, my friend and I watched a show: Vampire High — which is the worst show ever.

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Now, if it’s not clear, I love bacon. In my view, bacon is basically ambrosia, and I firmly believe in the bacon law (X + bacon > X). I love it so much that I think bacon should be used for many things besides eating.

Despite this reverence I hold for the saltiest, smokiest, most perfect food ever, I must make one thing clear: bacon should not become a part of every aspect of life. The truth is, bacon has some limitations. It’s like fire; although it has many uses — from warming to cooking to helping kill germs to allowing us to turn metal and glass pliable — you should not go rolling around in a fire for fun. Continue reading


As I mentioned in an earlier post, I’ve been working for a political campaign. Unfortunately, on Tuesday my candidate lost the primary election, meaning I’m now even more unemployed than before. Yay! As you can guess, my fleeting dreams of fleeing hobodom have made me rather melancholy, because I like money.

Money is what you use to buy food. Food is what you eat. I like eating.

I could not have found a better picture for my love of food, or a better source…

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