One man's attempt at literacy

Tag Archives: Health

Now, if it’s not clear, I love bacon. In my view, bacon is basically ambrosia, and I firmly believe in the bacon law (X + bacon > X). I love it so much that I think bacon should be used for many things besides eating.

Despite this reverence I hold for the saltiest, smokiest, most perfect food ever, I must make one thing clear: bacon should not become a part of every aspect of life. The truth is, bacon has some limitations. It’s like fire; although it has many uses — from warming to cooking to helping kill germs to allowing us to turn metal and glass pliable — you should not go rolling around in a fire for fun. Continue reading


Tonight, as I was lounging about, wearing my plaid robe and smoking my pipe (I’m very classy), thinking of what my next blog post would be about, something exciting happened. Something I will now tell you, without embarrassment.

I was lounging, as I explained, when my father burst out of the rest room, his face pale and gaunt. At first I was worried the zombie apocalypse was finally hitting Montana and not just the east coast as he stumbled to his bed, and here I was with my shotgun out of reach and not even wearing my knickers. However, as he lurched down the hall, clinging to the wall for support and weakly asking me to help him, I realized he was not a zombie but was actually just suffering from a bad flu. This was a reassurance; I could help a victim of influenza. Nurse Greg to the rescue!

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