Well, folks, it’s that time of year again: it’s getting a bit colder, a bit snowier (or, you know, just greyer in New York), and college students are coming up with creative places to hang mistletoe. I myself have started to celebrate by moving away from my normal litany of awful shows and onto shows in what might be one of the worst genres to have ever existed (the only genre that’s worse that I can think of is “Paranormal Teen Romance Novels”): Romantic Comedy Holiday Movies, often made by ABC Family. To give you an idea of how terrible this is, just consider that I have started about 12 of these movies and only got close to finishing three because they are just so, so horror-inducing.
The gem of the movies so far has been Christmas Cupid, which is just such a wonderful mix of stupidity and outright offensiveness that you can’t possibly watch it without some sort of ire burning inside of you like a freshly lit fireplace by the end. The premise of this movie is simple: a woman who has always put her career doing PR first is visited by three boyfriends of Christmas (Ex-mas, get it? GET IT?!) who tell her how she’s romantically stupid and what will happen if this continues. Her spiritual guide, the titled Christmas Cupid, is actually a hussy, diva, and former client who died while clubbing by choking on an olive. Continue reading
(That sounds like a good movie title, right? The tagline I’m thinking for it when I sell my idea is, “This year, Halloween comes one day late.”)
On Thursday I moved into my new place, and I must say I have a bit of skepticism about this decision. The neighborhood is fine; a bit dirty, a bit crowded, a bit dark at night, but it’s New York. The apartment itself is very nice, and my room is so large I could play Twister in it without moving the bed — now I just need to find Twister buddies!
No, my anxiety comes from the building. See, there’s this little problem called
THE BUILDING IS FREAKING HAUNTED!!! Continue reading
If you live in New York and aren’t ridiculously wealthy, you’ll have to get used to riding the subway. It’s a sad fact. Now, normally the subway isn’t that bad; hell, in the summer an air conditioned train can actually be a reprieve from the swamp that is Manhattan.
But there is one time when riding the subway is vaguely reminiscent of the apocalypse: rush hour. Just like the rush hour you might experience driving in LA, before and after normal work hours are the most dreaded parts of the day to travel, and in New York you get the added terror or public transportation~! Dun dun dun.