This weekend, I moved again. While I will be somewhat sad to leave my creepy, irritating, and strange apartment, I am excited to move for a few reasons, which I will briefly explain in lieu of a normal ramble this week.

Reasons I am excited to be moving:

1- I can take a bath without fear of getting a venereal disease.

This has been cleaned relatively recently.

This has been cleaned relatively recently.

2- Flypaper won’t be my most visible decoration.

It's like gooey, buggy death ribbon!

It’s like gooey, buggy death ribbon!

3- My bed will no longer be a twisted mass of razor-sharp springs and concrete.

4- My refrigerator won’t be older than the combined age of all of my roommates.

OLD

OLD

5- The first floor of my building will no longer look like the Rancor’s pit.

6- This will no longer haunt my dreams.

The question is, do I mean the strange bird carving or the "Keep Fit Be Happy!"?

The question is, do I mean the strange bird carving or the “Keep Fit Be Happy”?

7- Most importantly, I will be 2 blocks away from the best ice cream place in Brooklyn, Ample Hills, paving my way to becoming perfectly spherical like I’ve always dreamed.

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