This weekend, I moved again. While I will be somewhat sad to leave my creepy, irritating, and strange apartment, I am excited to move for a few reasons, which I will briefly explain in lieu of a normal ramble this week.
Reasons I am excited to be moving:
1- I can take a bath without fear of getting a venereal disease.
2- Flypaper won’t be my most visible decoration.
3- My bed will no longer be a twisted mass of razor-sharp springs and concrete.
4- My refrigerator won’t be older than the combined age of all of my roommates.
5- The first floor of my building will no longer look like the Rancor’s pit.
6- This will no longer haunt my dreams.
7- Most importantly, I will be 2 blocks away from the best ice cream place in Brooklyn, Ample Hills, paving my way to becoming perfectly spherical like I’ve always dreamed.