My apartment has what I like to call “The Giving Sill,” where people put things they don’t want anymore but are too good to be thrown away. It’s sort of like the Salvation Army without the homophobic lobbying activity.

A barren Giving Sill

A barren Giving Sill

One of my old, ahem, “roommates” (he lived in the loft space over my roommate’s bed for free for six weeks… Did I mention there was a window from the loft into my room?) once found a pendant on The Giving Sill that he managed to sell for $130, so I decided to try my hand at it. One day, I saw three pairs of decent looking shoes and figured, “Why not?” I started an eBay account.

I did some research for about 5 minutes before setting each shoe up at a fair (IE a bit cheaper than other people’s) prices, with a couple pictures and a short comment.

Now, what you might not know about me is that I am amazingly obsessive about projects. Like, check my email every five minutes when there’s one I’m waiting for. So this was bad.

The morning after setting it up, I checked to see if there were bids. Of course, there was not. I panicked and so I lowered the prices for them. I had set them for 7 days and actually lowered the prices for all of them about once a day because I was so nervous they wouldn’t sell. I figure that’s strike one.

A week later, the first item I had listed, a pair of grey and green Adidas sneakers, had 3 minutes left so I pulled them off and relisted them for cheaper ($12 to buy instantly instead of $15 to bid). Almost immediately after, I got a message from someone saying he had installed a program to bid at literally the last moment. I suggested they just but it now, for $3 cheaper, and they never replied back to me.

At this point I got angry at the guy — why not just BUY the shoes now for cheaper than what he had admitted he had planned on buying them for — so I raised the starting bid from $9 to $12 because I refuse to reward such a cheap jerk!

Shortly after, I did not sell my other two items, despite not taking them down, and gave up on them. The Adidas were still there; they could still be sold and make this effort and paranoia worthwhile.

Finally, it was 2 hours until the original pair of shoes were out of time with no bids left, and I get a message asking for more pictures. I was very weary at this point and about to go out, so I ignored it. Two minutes after the shoes failed to sell, I got a message saying they would’ve probably bought them. I respond with a message that simply said, “Well now I’m lighting them on fire.”

End of story: I am the worse salesman ever. I should never try to actually sell merchandise (though I’m good at pitching stories and such) because I would probably berate customers who were looking for good deals. Like, literally berate them. If I was a car salesman and someone was giving me the run around I would probably end up vandalizing the car in front of them just to prove a point. It’s safe to say my eBay days are over.