Most everyone I know has a nickname; I myself have many nicknames – though, in all honesty, 90% of them are names I try to get other people to call me, like Kaiser Wilhelm Clem. But of all the people I know, no one has more nicknames than Dorkie.

Over the next two weeks there is a local Pets of Pride event on Face Book for the Montana ACLU. Two of my friends and I have entered Dorkie into the competition under the guise of Pride Puppy, go and vote for him by liking the image on Facebook now or after I regale you with stories of the many names of Dorkie

Dorkie is my friend and ex-roommate’s dog. And the name Dorkie comes from the name dorkie, which is the breed of a dog (it’s a cross between a Dachshund and a Yorkie). It looks as such:

Look upon the ball of neediness.

Hello, scruff face!

I know what you are probably asking, because it is a question that pretty much all my friends have asked me as they came over to my place this summer and asked me in confidence when my roommate was out of earshot: “What in the fuck kind of name is Dorkie?” And the thing is, Dorkie is essentially his first nickname; it is my nickname.

The story of Dorkie’s names begins with what Dorkie’s owner wanted him to be called: Brady.

After John Brady.

Now, I am a person who is a pretty big fan of leaving everyone alone to do whatever they want in general — I could put Ron Paul to shame — but, for some reason, the idea of living with what looks like a merkin with googly eyes named after a football player revolted me to no end, and so I began a quest to find a way to convince my friend to name it something different.

I can’t really remember what else I suggested (I’m thinking Walter came up at some point…), but nothing worked, until I finally, in one last ditch effort, suggested calling his dorkie Dorkie — actually, it was Sir Dorkie — and for some reason, of all the names I threw out there, that is the one that latched itself onto my roommate in a pleasing way. And I let it stick there, joyful in my success.

But the name Dorkie was not the last nickname this dog had; oh no, there are so many new names for this scrappy little fellow on a monthly basis that I honestly only remember a handful of the ones that he has been given. And now, I must share them.

Rat Dog: given to him by me, this name is indicative of the fact that Dorkie looks like a rodent with floppy ears.

Kitty Puppy: this probably ties for the most common name used by people for Dorkie, and it is due to the fact that Dorkie acts like a cat, and is the size of a cat, except for the huge ass head.

Poopy Puppy: very simply put, Dorkie smells badly.

Porno Puppy: I started this, though I don’t remember why. Something about how much Dorkie loves pornos… Pervert!

And the newest nickname, adopted for this event is Pride Puppy: this is basically just because the joke has always been that Dorkie is a gay dog, and now that we could use his status as a gay dog to make some

Like this picture on Facebook! Vote Pride Puppy!